How to Stop Being so Cynical

October 2026

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Carey Nieuwhoff, in his book, Didn’t See It Coming: Overcoming the 7 Greatest Challenges That No One Expects and Everyone Experiences, addresses the infectious cynicism which can sour the spirit of a Christian leader. We start out with great  optimism, which gives way to realism which decays into cynicism by knowing too much, projecting the past into the future (we stop seeing potential and only see potential hurt) and deciding to stop trusting people.

When we care about people and they injure us or leave or betray our confidence, it is natural to respond with self-protective measures to keep from being wounded again. As Carey says, “Cynicism begins not because you don't care but because you do care; you cared and got burned.”

It is easy to miss the warning signs about cynicism because we are too focused on the external metrics of  success (attendance, offerings, baptisms, etc.).

Nieuwhoff’s five-action plan to interrupt cynicism:

· Schedule Thinking Time. Busyness is the enemy of wonder and awe.

· Ask Open-Ended Questions. Move past extracting data to exploring ideas.

· Give Fewer Answers: Volley back: what do you think?

· Dream More: Settle for the possible, not just the probable.

· Ask Why and Why Not? Widen your universe when others narrow theirs.

A key quote from this chapter in the book: “Curious people are never cynical, and cynical people are never curious.”